Imagine living 30 years of life thinking that you’re just different. I believed that many of my “isms” were just a foundational part of my personality. I was the pretty yet quirky, awkward, smart black girl. End of story. Nothing to see here!

Over the years I had dealt with anxiety and mild depressive episodes that began in my teens. Everyone around me just assumed it was normal teenage angst and paid it no attention because it was a phase that I was bound to outgrow with time. Looking back many of the signs were present but ADHD was never something that was discussed or considered. Growing up in a black household I heard nothing but negative things about parents allowing their children to be diagnosed and medicated when they just need more structure and stern parenting.

Fast forward 2021 and I am officially diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 31. I was in therapy at the time and during a session my therapist asked if I had ever been tested. She continued to explain that the struggles I was experiencing seemed to align with ADHD. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind outside the occasional “I’m so ADD” joke. After receiving this diagnosis the smoke cleared. Everything began to make sense. If I had access to this information years ago I could have been a better friend, person, and parent when it mattered most. Instead I spent ridiculous amounts of time not knowing how to process simple emotions. I felt cheated! So you know what I did right? What any ADHD-er with a new interest does — hyper-focused research of course.

I was completely blown away by what I found! Did you know:

1. Treating ADHD may help free up the mental bandwidth you need to handle anxious feelings.

   ADHD causes a type of clutter that is inescapable because it’s with you everywhere you go. When you find a way to leave your brain behind or develop an off switch please let me know. Simple things that people take for granted like being able to prioritize small tasks, managing the random things that other people may find weird, or simply slowing down your thoughts to effectively communicate with others take up so much space. Treating these symptoms allows you to execute those task without using so much energy leaving space for logic and reason (anxiety’s arch nemesis).

2. ADHD and Anxiety symptoms have some overlap.

   Understanding the specific set of symptoms attached to each diagnosis helped me. Knowing that feeling overwhelmed is more likely related to ADHD than anxiety and when to spot the difference was a game changer. When you can analyze you current situation/environment and process what you’re feeling you are better armed to know what tools you need from your therapy toolbox.

3. ADHD symptoms like RSD can trigger anxiety and depression.

   Am I alone when I say that I never even knew that Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria was a thing?

   I spent most of my life hiding and not pursuing things I love and enjoy because I thought everyone hated me. I couldn’t bear the thought of giving them the option to tell me how awful I am so I worked to not be seen. I still do this, but at least I know that my self-esteem isn’t non-existent and there is a reason. It’s manageable. I’ve always been seen as a “social butterfly” but in reality, I was always afraid to be in social settings, and don’t let me have to speak to a group or introduce myself. I know now that having social anxiety is rooted in my sensitivity to rejection.

4. ADHD burnout can mimic or lead to depression.

   This is major. Have you ever had too many programs running on your computer and it freezes? You try all the tricks; CTRL, ALT, DLT, try to close some tabs, shut down a few programs, and … nothing. The mouse won’t even move. You have to manually reboot and start over. That is what ADHD burnout feels like. Stuck. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Game Over.

   You may want to be productive in some way but you are physically or mentally unable despite your efforts. The inability to perform can often lead to shame and guilt that compounds what you may already be feeling. Learning that the mild depressive episode that I experienced so frequently could be the result of burnout was very eye-opening and allowed me to learn the difference between true depression and ADHD-related burnout.

   Understanding how various mental illnesses operate and impact behavior is a key factor in our ability to cope and live more productive lives. Knowledge can alter the entire experience and can be instrumental in how we show up in the world. As a mother, we are responsible for how we interact with those around us. How can we lead by example if we are completely clueless about the way our brain works and the effect that has on our day-to-day actions? I encourage those who have been diagnosed with one or more conditions to continue to ask questions. If you struggle and can’t seem to figure out the root of the problem, do your research and gain clarity. There is a possibility that one can be exasperated by the other and clearing the smoke may help you find your way.